Day Two - You are not a coincidence

Okay, so I am thrown out of my pace, but anyway, here it it, my thought for day 2, which is not much.

Day Two: You are not a coincidence

In the second day, there are not much enlightenment for me. Either I am a smart ass know-it-all, or that the second chapter is too general. I believe since long ago that nothing in this world is coincidence, so neither do humans. If, we happen just because we happened to happen, I don't think we will search for our life purpose. The consciousness that we are created for a reason has been implanted deep into our mind, and that's, I think, the work of the greater force.

Thing is, yes, perhaps even though I am made for a reason, I often not realized that something made for a specific purpose is not meant to be perfect - it just created to fulfill it's purpose. And with that purpose, come every shape that suits it. There is no way a saw can be made less sharp that people need not avoided it - if that's the case, it wouldn't be able to cut wood. When I couldn't even accept my imperfectness even though God made me to be like this, then less would I be willing to accept others.

Maybe, the sharp-mouthed people, like myself, exist for the sake of people for whom soft words cannot get through their head. I am not making excuses, but try as I might, I cannot hide a certain degree of sharpness in my words, and there are people who are thankful for it.

What else can't I accept in myself?

I am curt, cynical, not naturally cheerful or sociable, a pervert and ...twisted. I learned along the way to be more likable, but even now I have difficulty to smile sweetly and when I smile my friends told me it is sinister. Like a smirk. And they said it suits me very well. Because of that perhaps, I am a bit hard to approach and never feel really belong to a group and feel different/treated different.

Appearance-wise, I am over-weight, in the border of obesity. And I am still 23. And I have no strong self-control regarding food. And those big boobs ... how the hell did big boobs trend started, anyway?!

Well, there are things about me that people hope to have even though I think it is bad. I cannot say which is bad or good and is there an absolute point where it is our given condition and which we should change. I think we should always change for the better but be thankful for who we are anyway.
I am pretty vain after all huh? Not much complaint!
Yanni.

Day One

Purpose Driven Life Day 1 : All things started from God

From a long time ago I have been struggling with this question : 

If it's only God that could determine the ultimate goal of our life for us, then how about our goals? Can't we have goals?
How if we have our own goals, plans, dreams and ambition? Did we chunk ours to only live for God? What a miserable life it sounds like! Not all people who come to God is empty-handed and need 'guidance' and are okay with anything God tells them because they don't have anything in mind anyway.

Actually, that was not a ling time ago. It was when I am still a lot younger in mind, though. When life is amazing and I have all the years in front of me. When I haven't taste defeat, when all things are still enjoyable even though I can't meet my objectives. Yeah, I have plans, but not like my plans matter.

Well.

I haven't learned yet that human's wish and goals and need and will is not forever. it could whither. It is not as strong as portrayed in fictions. It's not as easy to defend, too, and it's not always crystal clear.

That maybe, if we only rely on our mind, heart, and soul, and achieve all things a person can wish for, it's won't be enough. We won't feel satisfied.

Because when a tool are not used appropriately, it will fail to achieve it's objective and.. well. We never satisfied ourselves. No matter how hard we worked, how successful we become, it's not enough. Never. If we disregard God's will, that is.

Living our live as we want it, and we will star seeing something wrong, something still empty inside. We started to reconsider just what and how we started doing things to come to how we are now.

People will said, it's easy to left all the 'thinking' side to something else (parents, friends, lovers, gods) to decide your lives and only goes along as it is. The responsibility won't be yours, too.

This is a question I will update later when it's answered.

I personally think I nearly grasp what's the answer but ...
Oh yeah.
Being your most is impossible without knowing what you are created to be.
Hmm?
Oh well

Still, whatever the answer is, I am set. To ask God what He created me to be, and follow through with that. I am tired of finding what's my (next) passion is

16 September 2015
Yanni

40 day of Purpose Driven Life

I have forsaken this blog and truthfully want to deleted it. But now, there comes one program at my workplace that calls for a good dose of introspection and writing about, so I am going to use this blog as my notes.

The program is to read the book "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren, the best-selling non-fiction book in hardback.

So far so good, it's my 3rd day and I am feeling it is good. I will edit my notes and thoughts a little so that it is fit to be published in this blog - even though there are no reader anyway. :D, So starting today I will publish my thoughts for day one.

Joab

It's intriguing to see Joab's role in David's story. I really didn't know what to make of him, whether he is portrayed as someone who are right and must be patronized, or that he is a sample of the 'right' people who shouldn't be patronized because of his temper. I am not even able to decide whether he is 'right' or not, his ways are too harsh. Or is he a well-intentioned extremist?
Joab is a soldier, and we could stand a harsh military man, and he is easy to boil, but he is still taking it too far in my opinion.
Strictly speaking, Joab had never rebelled against God's words, he only rebelled against David's words. And that's not out of hate of David, he is very loyal to David, and all his actions, including the "too harsh" ones are all committed with David well-being in thoughts. His solution to everything gone awry is "destroy the cause", but he could be threatened by saying things like " You are trying to destroy what God doesn't want you to destroy," and I believe he really believe and trust God with all his might. There's no indication otherwise. And while keeping in check with God's rule and direction, he took actions that looks like it will make all things smoother, although harsh, that David didn't command, or even command the opposite. Sometimes, he also took actions that seems unnecessary or took it way too far because of personal reason. You could say that it's his character's flaw, that he didn't really mean it, but it's still apparent.And as he never receive punishment or warning from God, could we take it that he is only doing something necessary that God let to happen in order to let His plan worked?

And his interactions with David is interesting as well. David are sometimes annoyed with him, and all of Joba's siblings (As he always asked "What's with you, Zeruya's sons?"), but he couldn't get rid of them, as they are very loyal to him and the ones that would never let him down, and that he rely quite heavily on them. Granted, they don't always do what he wanted, and sometimes will bring shame to his name, but they are a great commander and soldier. Won't turn their back to him. I wonder what make Joab and his brothers stick to David so much, considering their rebellious tendencies. Joab also seems to hate and jealous of whoever try to lick up David's ass, both sincerely or insincerely. He kills Abner, and latter Amasa. Both seems unnecessary, but both are originally from David's enemy, so maybe he is afraid they will turn their back again. I imagine David and Joab are like vitriolic best bud. They argue a lot and have an entirely different point of view, and David always looks so easy to substitute Joab with someone else, but Joab is still very loyal to David, and David always listen to Joab. No one else tried to talk to David about his unseemly behavior as a king, and even mocking him about it. Well.... David is easy to advice, though. He take critics and advice well.

Anyway.... I like Joab, but some of his actions seems unnecessary. What is all his actions in the Bible meant for us? Why did it have to be written?

First Fruit

Buah sulung. First fruit.  The act of giving 100% of our first paycheck. 100% done and over with, and 100% with the help of God.

I have done it over a week ago actually, and I don't plan to 'brag' it. Just ... when I tried to review the moment, there's nothing I could 'brag' about. I could do it all because of the grace of the Lord. So suddenly I just decide to write it here to post my thoughts about it.

I have committed since long ago that my first official, stable paycheck would all be an offering to God. After all, that's what the Bible told us to do. And the church. And I think this is practiced by all people in the church. So it would be easy. If everyone could do that, why not me? Turn out that I was wrong.

It definitely isn't easy. The sum is big, quite big especially for a fresh grad that are staying in boarding room all her uni life. I have many plan, and Satan repeatedly told me I could buy my way out of the commitment. I could only offer the usual 10%, or maybe 50%. And I don't need to offer my overtime bonus. After all, it's not in the paycheck. And the temptation got bigger when the money was really on my bank account. Oh God, it was tempting.

But then, I was reminded about how, if not because of God's grand plan, I probably wouldn't even get the job, let alone in that big of a paycheck. So it was practically God's. And God is helping me in the matter that when I receive the first sum, the overtime bonus is not on that paycheck, so the sum isn't getting bigger. Thanks for the reminder, Holy Spirit. I know it was You.

And, well, not all people done this practice, apparently. And it's not really common to do that, and not as widely known compared to persepuluhan. It made it harder, and also make me want to brag about it. I have done it! I am better, stronger and could take commitment seriously. But again, it was with God's help, right?
I might not be able to do that if I have to work/live far away from my parents and pay my own expenses. I won't be able to do it if my parents won't support my financial nor my decision to do this. I can't do it if I have to support my family financially. I am lucky to be able to execute it. I really am. I just realize this point yesterday, and really am ashamed of my point of view up until then. People have their own situation and of course, I couldn't judge them. That didn't means I am better than others, because it's God hands helping me, and He is the one who put the commitment in my heart. And he made the path smoother and made it possible, even with all of my weaknesses, greediness, and all.
And it's a bonus. The Bible said about giving it your all and your best and about the first fruits blessings.
So, who I am to brag about it? I just hope that many people will be able to do that too, because it really is an eye opener, and a grace for us. God Bless!

Jonathan, the not-as-gentle-as-he-seem Prince

Well as you could guess, I am trying to finish reading the Bible from cover to cover so my posts would be consequential. Right now I am in Samuel

And was regretting about Jonathan

Hold on, I know, Jonathan is never portrayed bad, and in fact, in his usual portrayal when he was friend with David, he is also great. But all this time, what I know is his gentler side, how he treat David and how he is very much obedient to God and to his father and to his family and friend. 

What I don't know is he don't only have kindness and softness, but also hard material and startling skills like his leadership, charisma (he once was pulled from death penalty by his men), battle, strategies etc.

In fact, he is a better commander and leader than his father that he could already substitute him as a king when he is still a prince. It's such a waste of good leader potential because he could never be a king in a latter times because of the cause we all knew about.

Not that David is a bad candidate for a King - that's why they are such a best-friend. After all, Jonathan's King position are in good hands - his best-friend, that turn out to be the greatest king of Israel. So maybe, it's not such a devastating loss. He 'lose' to the greatest, that's saying something

Okay, my rambling start to be incoherent - this is just a rambling then. Any opinion about Jonathan? Leave it in the comment please thank you^^

Joshua

Hi! Um... I haven't post for so long, and that's because... well... I haven't read the Bible etc. in so long. No, in fact I have, but not enough to write anything about it. Then I started read it again, and trying to catch up, but until now I am still stuck in Joshua *grin*. I hope I will reach my target : To finish read the Bible within this year. Not realistic enough? Ough, you are mean.

Well, maybe for some person this is an inappropriate thing to do, but I always read with enjoyment. And I am a fantasy- story lover. And you know, JOSHUA IS A REALLY REALLY COOL BOOK if you are a fantasy lover, and the war scene is just loveable.

At one point of Joshua, he walk aimlessly and found a man with full war equipment. When he tried to confirm to the man whether he is an enemy or friend, the answer is "No, but as Commander of the army of the Lord I have now come." HOW COOL IS THAT to meet the Commander of the army of the Lord IN FULL ARMOR *died*.
Some theologian said that it's God itself, and it increase it awesomeness. Imagine the image of Jesus in full armor. Hmmm! Isn't it a bit like Arragorn from the Lord of the Rings? XD

A bit after that, they win the war, and it was more of the God's war than the man, why? Because there are more kill by Rain of Stones than by swords. It's cool. Like totally. I am reminded of Kafka on the shore's fish raining, but of course this is cooler. Kyaaa

Another note, I have never realized that Joshua's story only focused on one book : his. I really think he is around for the Judges, but no. 
ALl in all, even if it's just one book, it's a cool enough book to read by. I am in love.