Day three

So, I am distracted again ~ hoho. This is day three, when something is really thrust into my consciousness, awakening something.

Day Three : What force drive your life? 

"Don't think activities means productivity. You can be very busy without making progress and without purpose, but what's the point?"

Yeah, everyone needs their daily dose of what keep them moving. What keep us moving? What make us do thing? Some of us have more pride in what keep us moving than others - some sounds noble, and some sounds silly. But one thing remain - if the drive of life is suddenly decreased - we might lose our momentum and then, well, in the most extreme cases, stop moving? What happened to people who lose their will to live?

The book says there are 5 major drive of people life : 

Guilt 

People who are haunted by their past and searching for atonement or a way to run from their past. They are so bothered by their scar from the past, they let it control them. Originally, I respect this reason of living. Hell, not all people could go on with their heavy burden as a fuel for them to continue living. At least, they are still advancing. Moving forward, although maybe in the wrong direction. Better than people who are entirely empty. But perhaps, it's only good in the world's eyes? It's not in God's. After all, He gives His only Son to help us from the past. Why still live there?

Hate

People who hate others and building their life around that hate. More often than not, the source of their anger and hate has already stop hurting them, but they still can't escape from hate. This reason is so common for the film theme. Someone who wants revenge for their lover/parent/child/whole family are on the quest and didn't mind if they have to lose their life on the mission or after that.

Fear

People who are driven by fear make their safety the number one priority. They don't dare taking risk and feeling comfortable maintaining Status Quo. Doesn't mean they can't advance, maybe they are in a good social or monetary possession just for the secure feelings they need.

Materialism

Well, you know this. The drive to possess more and more, whether it's goods or if it's status, position, etc. But having more won't get you a feeling of satisfaction.

The need to be accepted

People in this group so often long for acceptance by people surrounding them they ended up just following what's needed to be accepted and not being themselves. They usually listen to all suggestion and failed, because no one can make EVERYONE happy. 

What I am sure is that, I am not driven by guilt, hate, or fear. I think it's combination of materialism and the need to be accepted. But even then it's still "wrong" I think? I am not that shallow. I don't know what drive me forward. I am bored of money from ages ago. My family is not hard up, neither do we have more than we know what to do with it. Standing at that position, I know very well money is freaking boring. You can't solve everything with money. 

What drive my life is the need to prove m own way. Then perhaps, the need to be accepted. Not the way depicted in the book actually. Other things. I want people to be wept up with my current, not the other way round. I have no intention to. Usually, I am not even aware that I am against my surrounding's current. But if people can't accept my current because it's not "normal", I am annoyed. So, I am going my best to make myself better and bigger that no one can reject it anymore. I am generally moving up a good road this way, but I don't know if it's a good reason to live. 

But big as my goals are, God's grand plan must be more grandeur and wonderful. Yeah I KNOW. He told me as much. When I am praying for my future plan, I have a tingling in my ears saying "Only that much, Yanni? I want to bring you to a lot higher one. Yours is not even half."

The Life Driven by purpose

 We need to know our purpose so we are driven towards the purpose, the book says. We could simplify our life, know our life have a meaning, making us focused into what's essential, drive our life, and to prepare us for eternity with God. 

I am especially "hurt" by this one sentence : 

"Don't think activities means productivity. You can be very busy without making progress and without purpose, but what's the point?"

I agree, because I am afraid of not doing the essential preparation needed in case I discover my purpose. When I finally found my calling. I haven't found it yet. I'd done them all - without selecting, without caring if I like it or not. I am curious and wants to try it all. I am one who will go through all side quests in game while stuck with the main game. My life is a messy bunch of anything I could think of, anything I could try. Anything that can go on and me bear with it. 

I know about a lot of people who are not living their lives, only trying to follow a lead they think will benefit them. At least I know how one ended up - he throe everything up and make a fresh start. And before the fresh start he is stressed up to the point he collapsed. And...well, he looks a lot better now. 

Turns out I am not a lot better than them, huh? I am only following what I think is good.Haha

Well

Can I keep to a way once I discover what's my purpose?

...

Hope so.

Yanni. 18 September 2015

Day Two - You are not a coincidence

Okay, so I am thrown out of my pace, but anyway, here it it, my thought for day 2, which is not much.

Day Two: You are not a coincidence

In the second day, there are not much enlightenment for me. Either I am a smart ass know-it-all, or that the second chapter is too general. I believe since long ago that nothing in this world is coincidence, so neither do humans. If, we happen just because we happened to happen, I don't think we will search for our life purpose. The consciousness that we are created for a reason has been implanted deep into our mind, and that's, I think, the work of the greater force.

Thing is, yes, perhaps even though I am made for a reason, I often not realized that something made for a specific purpose is not meant to be perfect - it just created to fulfill it's purpose. And with that purpose, come every shape that suits it. There is no way a saw can be made less sharp that people need not avoided it - if that's the case, it wouldn't be able to cut wood. When I couldn't even accept my imperfectness even though God made me to be like this, then less would I be willing to accept others.

Maybe, the sharp-mouthed people, like myself, exist for the sake of people for whom soft words cannot get through their head. I am not making excuses, but try as I might, I cannot hide a certain degree of sharpness in my words, and there are people who are thankful for it.

What else can't I accept in myself?

I am curt, cynical, not naturally cheerful or sociable, a pervert and ...twisted. I learned along the way to be more likable, but even now I have difficulty to smile sweetly and when I smile my friends told me it is sinister. Like a smirk. And they said it suits me very well. Because of that perhaps, I am a bit hard to approach and never feel really belong to a group and feel different/treated different.

Appearance-wise, I am over-weight, in the border of obesity. And I am still 23. And I have no strong self-control regarding food. And those big boobs ... how the hell did big boobs trend started, anyway?!

Well, there are things about me that people hope to have even though I think it is bad. I cannot say which is bad or good and is there an absolute point where it is our given condition and which we should change. I think we should always change for the better but be thankful for who we are anyway.
I am pretty vain after all huh? Not much complaint!
Yanni.

Day One

Purpose Driven Life Day 1 : All things started from God

From a long time ago I have been struggling with this question : 

If it's only God that could determine the ultimate goal of our life for us, then how about our goals? Can't we have goals?
How if we have our own goals, plans, dreams and ambition? Did we chunk ours to only live for God? What a miserable life it sounds like! Not all people who come to God is empty-handed and need 'guidance' and are okay with anything God tells them because they don't have anything in mind anyway.

Actually, that was not a ling time ago. It was when I am still a lot younger in mind, though. When life is amazing and I have all the years in front of me. When I haven't taste defeat, when all things are still enjoyable even though I can't meet my objectives. Yeah, I have plans, but not like my plans matter.

Well.

I haven't learned yet that human's wish and goals and need and will is not forever. it could whither. It is not as strong as portrayed in fictions. It's not as easy to defend, too, and it's not always crystal clear.

That maybe, if we only rely on our mind, heart, and soul, and achieve all things a person can wish for, it's won't be enough. We won't feel satisfied.

Because when a tool are not used appropriately, it will fail to achieve it's objective and.. well. We never satisfied ourselves. No matter how hard we worked, how successful we become, it's not enough. Never. If we disregard God's will, that is.

Living our live as we want it, and we will star seeing something wrong, something still empty inside. We started to reconsider just what and how we started doing things to come to how we are now.

People will said, it's easy to left all the 'thinking' side to something else (parents, friends, lovers, gods) to decide your lives and only goes along as it is. The responsibility won't be yours, too.

This is a question I will update later when it's answered.

I personally think I nearly grasp what's the answer but ...
Oh yeah.
Being your most is impossible without knowing what you are created to be.
Hmm?
Oh well

Still, whatever the answer is, I am set. To ask God what He created me to be, and follow through with that. I am tired of finding what's my (next) passion is

16 September 2015
Yanni