Day Five

Day Five : Viewing life from God's perspective

What do you think your life is?

I never consider that one sentence can define how you live your life. I always thing about people's idea about life is philosophical and can be applied to everybody at different times or situations. I never think everyone has a fixed personal favorite.

Mine is," Life is a game." You have a purpose, you "win" by achieving the purpose and your objectives, you have competitor and other people playing the game with you, and you've got to plan a strategy about how you plan to play.

I have been asking my friends about theirs, and I find out it really is reflecting their personality and how they life. It is so much true that I start reflecting about how I live my life. It seems that my life is constructed with goals, and I am more competitive than I have ever realized.
And that I am relying on my own strength so much I refuse to give in to the outer pressure. Wow. And of course, game is intended to be enjoyed, so I tried to make it as enjoyable and fun as possible.

Don't know if it's a flawed view or what, but I am shocked to find how it closely reflected my way of living.

And what did God think about our life?

I never considered that we must live with God's perspective. Anyhow you think about it, it's bizarre, how can we understand what God is thinking about? His mind is so high up our own's. 

But, now I think about it, the notable characters in the Bible DO live according to God's plan. They know God's plan - for them and their surrounding. 

That's how they can do His will without much protests. 

Yes, God made us and have a purpose for each one of us, but He has some main goals of putting us through life, according to the book. Life is a test, a trust, and a temporary post. 

It's a series of test to make us higher and better, developing our character. 

It's a trust in the meaning that we need to use what's given to us in the fullest. 

So, if life is tests and trust at the same time, we must live with our head stand high because we are trusted with taking on the tests. We must use what's given to use to solve our tests as best as possible. 

I know about tests. I feel it all the time. Tests are used to measure us up/. To remind us our flaws, and to show us our priority. So they said that because of this task, our life, each second of it matters. Because we are continuously tested, tried. 

Now, about trust. 

All of our possessions, talents, and even ourselves, personality and character, are God's that are trusted ti us - it's our turn to use it wisely. I never think about my "trust" to use for God's purpose. I think our task with what's trusted to  us is to simply keep it, use it for good, and make it flourish. 

I never think that particular talents are planted inside of us for a specific purpose. But it seems like it is. 

We have to treat every single thing we possess with utmost care - because that's not ours. And every single second of our lifes cautiously. 

I wonder, did how I arrange my money really could crash with how God plan to use it? I hope not.

Yanni

29 September 

Day Four

It's just so hectic in my life, I even stop eating. LOL.

Day Four : Created for Eternity

The content this time didn't surprise me one bit. Just because I have heard about a similar sermon not too long ago. The minister said, "We are not made to go to Heaven, assigned our post, given a golden harp and halo, and sing in choir forever."

How do you picture "Heaven"?

That's a very inaccurate but often used image of Heaven

Before this, I know that the bigger part of our life is on the second part - the eternal after life. But I didn't take it that much seriously because, well, I separate it : the live before death, and the live after death. It seems so different, and I am always terrified of the 'eternal' nature of our second life: it sounds boring.

Much more if we only need to sing and on a high dose of happy everyday.
That;s why there are a lot of jokes about people wanting to go to Hell because that is where the party start.

It just become clear to me that our live in the second part is a continuation - simply a continuation of our first live. What we are doing right now will define how our future - far future in the second live - would be like.

The only differences are :
1. All our effort is nothing to grant us a happy future. It was given to us by the grace of Jesus.
2. Nothing we do on our second live can fix the mistakes of the first. If we messed up, we can't "just work harder latter"

Seems unfair that we are only given a limited time to decide for eternity, but when given this limited time, we already fall so many times, what if we are given eternity? It was tiring to watch! I would have given up my life and fall into depression given that much time to life. Normally.

Do you realize how limited is our time on Earth?

Now then, we should really treated the first live with care, because it's the only chances we get.
The second live is what's matter. The first live is so short that it's not worth the time to life fully in this one and throw away the second one. The same  minister I stated above once said, "You the young ones might not know yet, but the middle aged one like me know : Time flies. At one time I am 17, marrying the love of my life, and BAM! I blinked, and here I am, in my 50s, having 5 grandchildren already."

I might not hit my 50s yet, but I agree - after some time to think. I have never think about it before, but if we stopped to think about it, it's obvious. I can feel it myself : without me knowing, I have been working for a year already.

The time given to us is not enough! I bet even though we are healthy until out 100s, we still haven't done all we'd like to do in this world. That's why, investing our time and effort to our distant future is important. We are not investing it to live in the clouds, singing our heart out. We will roam the earth once more, this time with Jesus, walking alongside us, no sin, no malicious intent, no sadness. Wonderful, right?!

I don't know whether it's the right description of Heaven, but one thing I know : after Anti-Christ and Satan have been thrown to Hell, there will be 1000 years of peace where we reign the Earth with Jesus.

I love travelling, and I know there are so many beautiful, magical places on the Earth.

Given the opportunity to explore it for 1000 years?

Works for me.

Yanni

Day three

So, I am distracted again ~ hoho. This is day three, when something is really thrust into my consciousness, awakening something.

Day Three : What force drive your life? 

"Don't think activities means productivity. You can be very busy without making progress and without purpose, but what's the point?"

Yeah, everyone needs their daily dose of what keep them moving. What keep us moving? What make us do thing? Some of us have more pride in what keep us moving than others - some sounds noble, and some sounds silly. But one thing remain - if the drive of life is suddenly decreased - we might lose our momentum and then, well, in the most extreme cases, stop moving? What happened to people who lose their will to live?

The book says there are 5 major drive of people life : 

Guilt 

People who are haunted by their past and searching for atonement or a way to run from their past. They are so bothered by their scar from the past, they let it control them. Originally, I respect this reason of living. Hell, not all people could go on with their heavy burden as a fuel for them to continue living. At least, they are still advancing. Moving forward, although maybe in the wrong direction. Better than people who are entirely empty. But perhaps, it's only good in the world's eyes? It's not in God's. After all, He gives His only Son to help us from the past. Why still live there?

Hate

People who hate others and building their life around that hate. More often than not, the source of their anger and hate has already stop hurting them, but they still can't escape from hate. This reason is so common for the film theme. Someone who wants revenge for their lover/parent/child/whole family are on the quest and didn't mind if they have to lose their life on the mission or after that.

Fear

People who are driven by fear make their safety the number one priority. They don't dare taking risk and feeling comfortable maintaining Status Quo. Doesn't mean they can't advance, maybe they are in a good social or monetary possession just for the secure feelings they need.

Materialism

Well, you know this. The drive to possess more and more, whether it's goods or if it's status, position, etc. But having more won't get you a feeling of satisfaction.

The need to be accepted

People in this group so often long for acceptance by people surrounding them they ended up just following what's needed to be accepted and not being themselves. They usually listen to all suggestion and failed, because no one can make EVERYONE happy. 

What I am sure is that, I am not driven by guilt, hate, or fear. I think it's combination of materialism and the need to be accepted. But even then it's still "wrong" I think? I am not that shallow. I don't know what drive me forward. I am bored of money from ages ago. My family is not hard up, neither do we have more than we know what to do with it. Standing at that position, I know very well money is freaking boring. You can't solve everything with money. 

What drive my life is the need to prove m own way. Then perhaps, the need to be accepted. Not the way depicted in the book actually. Other things. I want people to be wept up with my current, not the other way round. I have no intention to. Usually, I am not even aware that I am against my surrounding's current. But if people can't accept my current because it's not "normal", I am annoyed. So, I am going my best to make myself better and bigger that no one can reject it anymore. I am generally moving up a good road this way, but I don't know if it's a good reason to live. 

But big as my goals are, God's grand plan must be more grandeur and wonderful. Yeah I KNOW. He told me as much. When I am praying for my future plan, I have a tingling in my ears saying "Only that much, Yanni? I want to bring you to a lot higher one. Yours is not even half."

The Life Driven by purpose

 We need to know our purpose so we are driven towards the purpose, the book says. We could simplify our life, know our life have a meaning, making us focused into what's essential, drive our life, and to prepare us for eternity with God. 

I am especially "hurt" by this one sentence : 

"Don't think activities means productivity. You can be very busy without making progress and without purpose, but what's the point?"

I agree, because I am afraid of not doing the essential preparation needed in case I discover my purpose. When I finally found my calling. I haven't found it yet. I'd done them all - without selecting, without caring if I like it or not. I am curious and wants to try it all. I am one who will go through all side quests in game while stuck with the main game. My life is a messy bunch of anything I could think of, anything I could try. Anything that can go on and me bear with it. 

I know about a lot of people who are not living their lives, only trying to follow a lead they think will benefit them. At least I know how one ended up - he throe everything up and make a fresh start. And before the fresh start he is stressed up to the point he collapsed. And...well, he looks a lot better now. 

Turns out I am not a lot better than them, huh? I am only following what I think is good.Haha

Well

Can I keep to a way once I discover what's my purpose?

...

Hope so.

Yanni. 18 September 2015

Day Two - You are not a coincidence

Okay, so I am thrown out of my pace, but anyway, here it it, my thought for day 2, which is not much.

Day Two: You are not a coincidence

In the second day, there are not much enlightenment for me. Either I am a smart ass know-it-all, or that the second chapter is too general. I believe since long ago that nothing in this world is coincidence, so neither do humans. If, we happen just because we happened to happen, I don't think we will search for our life purpose. The consciousness that we are created for a reason has been implanted deep into our mind, and that's, I think, the work of the greater force.

Thing is, yes, perhaps even though I am made for a reason, I often not realized that something made for a specific purpose is not meant to be perfect - it just created to fulfill it's purpose. And with that purpose, come every shape that suits it. There is no way a saw can be made less sharp that people need not avoided it - if that's the case, it wouldn't be able to cut wood. When I couldn't even accept my imperfectness even though God made me to be like this, then less would I be willing to accept others.

Maybe, the sharp-mouthed people, like myself, exist for the sake of people for whom soft words cannot get through their head. I am not making excuses, but try as I might, I cannot hide a certain degree of sharpness in my words, and there are people who are thankful for it.

What else can't I accept in myself?

I am curt, cynical, not naturally cheerful or sociable, a pervert and ...twisted. I learned along the way to be more likable, but even now I have difficulty to smile sweetly and when I smile my friends told me it is sinister. Like a smirk. And they said it suits me very well. Because of that perhaps, I am a bit hard to approach and never feel really belong to a group and feel different/treated different.

Appearance-wise, I am over-weight, in the border of obesity. And I am still 23. And I have no strong self-control regarding food. And those big boobs ... how the hell did big boobs trend started, anyway?!

Well, there are things about me that people hope to have even though I think it is bad. I cannot say which is bad or good and is there an absolute point where it is our given condition and which we should change. I think we should always change for the better but be thankful for who we are anyway.
I am pretty vain after all huh? Not much complaint!
Yanni.

Day One

Purpose Driven Life Day 1 : All things started from God

From a long time ago I have been struggling with this question : 

If it's only God that could determine the ultimate goal of our life for us, then how about our goals? Can't we have goals?
How if we have our own goals, plans, dreams and ambition? Did we chunk ours to only live for God? What a miserable life it sounds like! Not all people who come to God is empty-handed and need 'guidance' and are okay with anything God tells them because they don't have anything in mind anyway.

Actually, that was not a ling time ago. It was when I am still a lot younger in mind, though. When life is amazing and I have all the years in front of me. When I haven't taste defeat, when all things are still enjoyable even though I can't meet my objectives. Yeah, I have plans, but not like my plans matter.

Well.

I haven't learned yet that human's wish and goals and need and will is not forever. it could whither. It is not as strong as portrayed in fictions. It's not as easy to defend, too, and it's not always crystal clear.

That maybe, if we only rely on our mind, heart, and soul, and achieve all things a person can wish for, it's won't be enough. We won't feel satisfied.

Because when a tool are not used appropriately, it will fail to achieve it's objective and.. well. We never satisfied ourselves. No matter how hard we worked, how successful we become, it's not enough. Never. If we disregard God's will, that is.

Living our live as we want it, and we will star seeing something wrong, something still empty inside. We started to reconsider just what and how we started doing things to come to how we are now.

People will said, it's easy to left all the 'thinking' side to something else (parents, friends, lovers, gods) to decide your lives and only goes along as it is. The responsibility won't be yours, too.

This is a question I will update later when it's answered.

I personally think I nearly grasp what's the answer but ...
Oh yeah.
Being your most is impossible without knowing what you are created to be.
Hmm?
Oh well

Still, whatever the answer is, I am set. To ask God what He created me to be, and follow through with that. I am tired of finding what's my (next) passion is

16 September 2015
Yanni

40 day of Purpose Driven Life

I have forsaken this blog and truthfully want to deleted it. But now, there comes one program at my workplace that calls for a good dose of introspection and writing about, so I am going to use this blog as my notes.

The program is to read the book "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren, the best-selling non-fiction book in hardback.

So far so good, it's my 3rd day and I am feeling it is good. I will edit my notes and thoughts a little so that it is fit to be published in this blog - even though there are no reader anyway. :D, So starting today I will publish my thoughts for day one.

Joab

It's intriguing to see Joab's role in David's story. I really didn't know what to make of him, whether he is portrayed as someone who are right and must be patronized, or that he is a sample of the 'right' people who shouldn't be patronized because of his temper. I am not even able to decide whether he is 'right' or not, his ways are too harsh. Or is he a well-intentioned extremist?
Joab is a soldier, and we could stand a harsh military man, and he is easy to boil, but he is still taking it too far in my opinion.
Strictly speaking, Joab had never rebelled against God's words, he only rebelled against David's words. And that's not out of hate of David, he is very loyal to David, and all his actions, including the "too harsh" ones are all committed with David well-being in thoughts. His solution to everything gone awry is "destroy the cause", but he could be threatened by saying things like " You are trying to destroy what God doesn't want you to destroy," and I believe he really believe and trust God with all his might. There's no indication otherwise. And while keeping in check with God's rule and direction, he took actions that looks like it will make all things smoother, although harsh, that David didn't command, or even command the opposite. Sometimes, he also took actions that seems unnecessary or took it way too far because of personal reason. You could say that it's his character's flaw, that he didn't really mean it, but it's still apparent.And as he never receive punishment or warning from God, could we take it that he is only doing something necessary that God let to happen in order to let His plan worked?

And his interactions with David is interesting as well. David are sometimes annoyed with him, and all of Joba's siblings (As he always asked "What's with you, Zeruya's sons?"), but he couldn't get rid of them, as they are very loyal to him and the ones that would never let him down, and that he rely quite heavily on them. Granted, they don't always do what he wanted, and sometimes will bring shame to his name, but they are a great commander and soldier. Won't turn their back to him. I wonder what make Joab and his brothers stick to David so much, considering their rebellious tendencies. Joab also seems to hate and jealous of whoever try to lick up David's ass, both sincerely or insincerely. He kills Abner, and latter Amasa. Both seems unnecessary, but both are originally from David's enemy, so maybe he is afraid they will turn their back again. I imagine David and Joab are like vitriolic best bud. They argue a lot and have an entirely different point of view, and David always looks so easy to substitute Joab with someone else, but Joab is still very loyal to David, and David always listen to Joab. No one else tried to talk to David about his unseemly behavior as a king, and even mocking him about it. Well.... David is easy to advice, though. He take critics and advice well.

Anyway.... I like Joab, but some of his actions seems unnecessary. What is all his actions in the Bible meant for us? Why did it have to be written?